Dear Ashley,
The following things happened recently. And will happen again. It's life. And it's alright.
-You walked out the door with one eye of makeup done and the other one completely bare. It probably slipped your mind when....
-You heard a crash from your girls bedroom followed by a shout of "I'm NUMB!" Immediately your mind went there and assumed she fell and is now paralyzed when in all actuality she tried to balance her cup of cold milk onto a stack of puzzles and it spilled on her bare leg. Cold=numb too, hun.
-You thought that new recipe on Pinterest called for sour cream? Did it taste a little off? Yeah, because it needed cream cheese.
-Remember to always ALWAYS double check who you're texting. Because when you were bantering back & forth with your husband and lovingly called him chubby tits (yes, this is how we talk to each other. this is our sense of humor), you sent it to your mother in law. And then gasped and could.not.type.a.reply.faster.*
-Remember when you thought you'd get the Kroger cheap brand of diapers because you are tired of buying them, only had a ten on you, and couldn't resist the sale on wine? Those leak. And Emily looooves juice. You'll need that wine after all the urine cleaning.
-Your husband restocked the diaper bag. You thought you tossed those shoddy diapers, but you didn't. They're in there. Best of luck at Target, in the storage aisle, solo, with the extra pair of pants conveniently missing from the diaper bag.
-Dustin had MLK day off and you had to work. To be nice to your husband, you got dressed in the dark so he could sleep. Did I also mention you were running late? And grabbed black undies to wear under your white scrub pants? Stay klassy.
Don't worry....I'm sure this all went unnoticed. Highly doubtful, but it's fun to pretend isn't it?
Good friggin' luck.
Love,
Ashley
P.S. You didn't think to check if Brookie's school was on a winter delay this morning. Guess what happens when you assume? You freeze your bum off in an empty parking lot with two cranky kids in the back when you could of been sleeping in in your warm bed. Good times, eh?
*by the by, my MIL is hilarious and a great sport. she didn't miss a beat & bantered right back at me. and i loved it.
January 24, 2013
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Laughing out loud over here! Thanks for the awesome post and keep being you! I've done the scrub pants and unflattering underwear thing too!
ReplyDeleteThis is wonderful!! II have done some of these things too...thank you for making me feel normal!!!!
ReplyDeleteOhmygosh!!! I'm rolling (and hoping a parent doesn't walk in my classroom)! You are too funny, but I feel you. I guarantee I have a least a few of these moments in my closet (and I'm sure many more to come when this little one arrives). You rock! (With your black undies and all!)
ReplyDeleteI am changing my MIL's name in my phone to "chubby tits" Right. Now. AMAZING!!!
ReplyDeleteOh no! Too funny. I think we all have these moments!
ReplyDeleteHaHa!!! Thanks for sharing your blunders!! It happens to all of us and it' s nice to know we're not a lone!
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious, ESP the black underpins under white pants. Should have been an IG capture!!
ReplyDeleteum.. wow! At least it made for an awesome blog post? hahaha
ReplyDeleteToo funny! I always go into super panic freak out mode when I hear stuff fall in the kids room too!! and I def did the dark undies, white scrub pants when I worked in a drs office too!! Thanks for sharing, I def needed a good laugh!
ReplyDeleteChubby tits. I'm gonna start using that. But probably not on my MIL. That would hurt her feelings, because, well. it's true.
ReplyDeleteMIL here, and my reply was "Thanks flabby tits." Kind of like That moment when you realize your children have your twisted sense of humor..And you don't know whether to be proud or scared!!!
ReplyDelete